New Samaritans research reveals that more than two thirds of men (68%) would live differently if they were free from social judgement, including taking up singing, painting or dancing.
Samaritans commissioned the research ahead of International Men’s Day on Wednesday. The survey also found that two in five men exaggerate aspects of their personality due to pressure to appear more ‘masculine’ (41%) and a third of men admit to putting on an act to fit in with others (34%).
Just over one in 10 fake interest in sport (12%), how much alcohol they can drink (12%) and their physical strength (12%) as well as overegging their tolerance for pain (12%) and confidence (16%).
Pressure to perform
Social pressures seem to be the main reason, with almost a fifth of respondents blaming social media (17%) - something that is more prevalent amongst Millennial men (29%).Their attempts to appear more masculine is often for other men’s benefit with one in five doing so to impress other men (19%) and a quarter confessing they are trying to avoid judgement from other men (24%) or trying to conform to traditional male stereotypes (25%).
With men accounting for three-quarters of all deaths by suicide, Samaritans commissioned this survey to discover how persistent and outdated stereotypes continue to shape men’s wellbeing. Asking 2000 men and women, sadly more than half of respondents said society still believe that men don’t talk about their feelings, while three in ten (30%) still believe men shouldn’t show that they’re struggling or cry.
While one in four Brits still believe men should be the main breadwinner, this expectation weighs more heavily on men themselves, with over a third (35%) of men believing that they should fulfil that role, showing how deeply internalised some stereotypes remain.
Many men said they would ask for help when they need it (35%), talk more openly about how they feel (21%), and 15% wish they could cry if they were struggling. Some men even admitted they’d embrace different sides of themselves, with one in ten saying they’d wear different clothes (9%),watch more reality TV and rom-coms (9%), or explore a creative art like singing, dancing or painting (10%) if they wouldn’t feel judged for it.
Social norms need to change
For Samaritans caller Nick Minns, 39 from Hull, living under the pressure of stereotypical masculinity to appear strong and be the ‘man of the house’ led to years of suppressing his emotions until he reached breaking point.
“I spent years trying to live up to this idea of being the strong one, the man of the house who never shows weakness. I thought that’s what my family needed from me, but it just meant bottling everything up until it became too much. I began feeling like a burden on my family, it was a really dark place to be. Speaking to Samaritans broke the silence for me, that was the turning point.”
says Nick
Now, a keen gardener and youth girls’ football coach, Nick’s mental health is in a much better place. He’s passionate about encouraging other men to live more openly and authentically, and as a father to four sons, about instilling those values in his children.
“I want my boys to grow up knowing that real strength isn’t about hiding your emotions,” he says. “It’s about having the courage to be yourself.”
TV personality and fitness entrepreneur Alex Bowen, who has been open about his own mental health journey after losing a friend to suicide, is also supporting Samaritans’ call to challenge outdated expectations around masculinity.
I’m joining Samaritans’ bid to smash male stereotypes and make sure men are offered support that works for them so we can lose fewer men to suicide. I’ve seen first-hand the cost of men living under the pressures and limitations of perceived masculinity. When I lost my best friend to suicide, I knew that something needed to change, I realise now how important it is for us to speak out and support each other. Being open doesn’t make you weak, it could literally save your life. I want more men to know it’s okay to talk, to cry, to ask for help, because that’s what real strength looks like.”
Alex Bowen said.
Urgent action is needed
With the Department of Health and Social Care set to publish its Men’s Health Strategy imminently, Samaritans’ findings help to illustrate a wider issue at play and why the current system is falling short of helping men at risk of suicide.
National data shows that in the week before their death by suicide, 38% of men had sought help from various statutory services. Among those who presented to A&E with suicidal thoughts or self-harm in the months before their death, only a small number were referred for follow up care - evidence that current systems are not responding to men effectively even when they are seeking support.
While men are often perceived as being less likely to access support, *a national research study of deaths by suicide among men aged 40–54 found that 50% of men had contact with mental health services within the last three months of their lives, indicating that men are reaching out - but the right help isn’t always reaching them.
We often hear that men don’t talk, but that’s not the full picture. Many men are reaching out and the problem is that they’re not always heard or met with the right kind of support. Outdated stereotypes about what it means to ‘be a man’ are still shaping how men express themselves, and too often that silence is reinforced by the reactions they get when they are in crisis. That’s why it’s essential that men aren’t dismissed when they do turn somewhere for support, and that the right support is offered to them. The Government’s upcoming Men’s Health Strategy is an important opportunity to help drive down male suicide rates and improve the system so men feel safe, listened to, and accepted for who they are. Instead of pigeonholing men and having a one size fits all approach to helping them, we must start to break those stereotypes down and create a culture where men can be themselves, ask for help, know they’ll be met with empathy, not stigma, and offer support that could save their lives.
Samaritans CEO, Julie Bentley, said.
Ends
Notes to Editors
Samaritans commissioned Opinium to conduct a nationally representative omnibus survey of 2000 people over 28 Oct – 31 Oct. Questions and data are available on request.
*National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Safety in Mental Health, (2021) Suicide by middle-aged men.
If you have any questions or interview requests, please contact [email protected] / 0208 394 8300
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